Trouble comes when an uppity Pokémon, indeed a genetically modified Pokémon called Mewtwo, aspires to human status. These Pokémon "masters" are human, though with their weird feline vertical irises and pupils, they are like no human racial group you've ever seen. The story, such as it is, concerns Ash and his buddies, who control a stable of benign Pokémon creatures. But are any of the aforementioned considerations the point with Pokémon? You've got me. This film is humourless, boring, impenetrable and with animation of such staggeringly low quality that it constitutes an insult to cinemagoers of all ages. But since Super Mario Bros, we know what a downer it is to have to actually sit down and watch a film based on a computer game - the pleasures of surrendering to a narrative being insurmountably different to those of mastering events with a games console. Anyway, Pokémon is the most effortless Japanese invasion of western pop culture since Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, with its video game software, trading cards and TV show. My own six-year-old niece, for the record, is a passionate Pokémon scholar and is saddened by my ignorance. It is traditional for pundits to abnegate all critical responsibility on the Pokémon Issue, and ventriloquise the views of their six-year-old nieces. Pokémon: the First Movie - what a very disheartening subtitle that is.
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